Grief changes us. With the death of a loved one or someone close to us, we grieve. For example, I experienced heartache with my son’s death in 1993 and then again as I watched my parents slip away many years later. The experts define the five stages of grief as:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
But, as I moved through these stages, I realized these staged did not covered everything. Grief changes us.
Feeling Alone in Grief
When someone close dies, we can feel very isolated in our grief. The world around us returns to normal as we continue on the journey of sorrow. Friends and family laugh again, and they go out to eat again while we feel trapped in our sadness. I questioned if I could ever enjoy life again. Where could I go to find someone who would stand beside me in my darkest days?
But, we are not alone. The Bible reminds us that God stands besides us. Psalm 34:18; “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I felt the Lord’s closeness during my days of grief, and I did what I could to stay connected to Him. I still attended church, and I kept reading my Bible. The Lord’s companionship allowed me time to heal my heart before I returned to the world.
Grieving at different stages
With the death of our son, both my husband and I grieved for our loss. But over time, we found ourselves at different stages in our despair. As I slumped on the couch with tears flowing freely, my husband would bury his pain in his work. These differences caused other conflicts that I had not expected. And, I could not share my pain with the person I loved because he had his own pain to deal with in these circumstances.
Once again, I found comfort in God’s words. Matthew 5:4; “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” We would need God to be our comforter instead of each other. We joined a Christian support group for parents who lost infants. Through the group, we learned to honestly share our feelings and ups and downs with each other. It was okay to have a good day even if the other person did not. It would take the three of us, my husband, myself, and God, to get us through this journey.
Taking off the rose-colored glasses
As I emerged from the shadows of grief, I realized I was a different person. Things that used to matter to me no longer held the same importance. Before our son’s death, I thought I had control over the events of life. But, I discovered that control was an illusion. Bad things could happen again at any moment. Once my rose-colored glasses came off, I could see the true fragility of our lives. So, I had to make changes in my life.
To find my joy again, I realized my faith and my remaining family had to take the top spot of importance in my life. I refocused my energy on spending time together and creating memories. In John 16:22, “So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy,” I found comfort. My joy returned as I gave up the control of my life to God and trusted Him with my future and my family.
Final Thoughts on How Grief Changes Us
My grief changed me. Sometimes, I wish I could still be the carefree person I was before the sorrow. But, most of the time, I appreciate the new me who puts all my hopes in Jesus Christ. Without Jesus, I would have no hope. My faith teaches me that I will see my loved ones again and that God will make everything work out for my good. We see this in Romans 8:28; “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Bible Verses
Here are a few more Bible verses that encouraged me during my time of grief. I pray you can find comfort in them as well.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.”
Prayer
Bless those who mourn, eternal God, with the comfort of your love that they may face each new day with hope and the certainty that nothing can destroy the good that has been given. May their memories become joyful, their days enriched with friendship, and their lives encircled by your love.
– Vienna Cobb Anderson
Do you need prayer? I would love to pray for you. Submit your prayer request on my website at https://yvonne-morgan.com/submit-your-prayer-request-here/
Grace and Peace to you,
Yvonne M. Morgan is a Christian #author, #blogger, and #speaker. #BibleGatewayPartner
Matthew 28:19 “Therefore, GO and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
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Thank you for this important message. Everyone grieves in different ways and at different times. My husband and I have grieved the loss of parents, loss of jobs, and more. Remembering that we all grieve differently can help us to help others.
Yes it can make a huge difference. I pray for all those who are grieving. Thanks Melissa and God bless
You may not be the carefree person you were, but I think you probably have gained a deep serenity in life because of the grief. When people cling to Christ in the midst of sorrow, the roots grow deep.
Yes they do grow deep roots. Thanks Linda. I appreciate your comments. God bless.
Oh, Yvonne, you nailed it. You’re right – grief is way more than just travelling through stages. This week marked the 3rd anniversary of my husband’s death. I’m a different person today. My priorities are different and temporal things – “stuff” – have lost their allure. Grief has a way of bringing the eternal into focus!
Yes it does bring the eternal into focus. For me, it unanchored my heart from this world because only in heaven will we all be together again. I am sorry for your loss and will pray for you this week as anniversaries are tough. Thanks Ava and God bless.
So true Ms. Yvonne. Grief does indeed change us. Sometimes for the better. It’s taught me to better appreciate how precious life is, and also how short it can be. Surviving grief has caused me to try and be a little kinder to others. We can’t always know where they’re at. And yes, we all go through these five stages, but I’ve learned they’re never in order and it’s never the same intensity or duration. Accepting that God is in control and that He promises to be with us through it all helps. God’s blessings ma’am.
Thank you sir. I can’t imagine how some people get through grief without Christ. He carried me through the most of mine. God bless you.
We remember that Jesus wept over the temporary loss of Lazarus. And He wept for Jerusalem. Loss indeed changes us. God bless and bring comfort.
Thanks Nancy. May the Lord bless you and your family.
Thank you so much for this! God weeps with us.
Yes He does. Thanks Jessica and God bless.
Yvonne, this is new insight. And I agree, grief changes us. And the change happens from the inside out. Once our joy for life comes back and we refocus on what’s important and eternal, nothing is ever the same again. I’m thankful the Lord has used you to help others who have walked the journey of such great loss.
Thank you Karen. I think that sometimes it is the best/hardest part of the grief. But, I praise God for the chance to help others. God bless
This is so helpful, Yvonne. To hear your story of losing your precious son and how you and your husband coped is a blessing to all who are struggling with grief. Sometimes it feels as though we will drown in grief. You have described how God brought you through so that others will know they can make it too. Thank you!
Thanks Pam. Grief does feel like drowning at times, such a good description. God does get us through the dark days of grief. He is the key. Thanks for commenting and God bless